I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
