he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
