Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
