I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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