My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
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No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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