can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
