We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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