I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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