were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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