I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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