i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
