Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
