Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
