They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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