I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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