It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You're so nebulous sometimes
i think my tv is drunk
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
