she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
