Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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