1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
