I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
