Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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