My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
