is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I did not marry a roomba.
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