Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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