Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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