oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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