The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
