I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
