Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
