I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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