the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Of course I have a pirate flag
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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