omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
