I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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