It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
