just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
