I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
