true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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