You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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