I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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