just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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