OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
