i just wanna soil my oats bro
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
