So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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