um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
