So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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