I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
