I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
