After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
