Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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