Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
