At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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