i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
