I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
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I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize