I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
