Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The air taste purple.
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