Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
