I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
