This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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