i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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