Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
