am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
