Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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