If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
