we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
