Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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