i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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