i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
