never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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