oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I cut my penus on the lid.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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