the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
