2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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