I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We talked him into tasing himself.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
