6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
operation harelip BJ is a go
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
