Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
