He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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