you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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