Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize