OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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