the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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