I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
