Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
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Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
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Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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