I seem to have left my pride at pride
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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