his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
