I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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